I have never really told my story publicly on a platform quite as large as this.  It is a story of loss, hurt, mental health, charity, overcoming and giving back.  My path into hunting has come full circle now and I am in the stage where 90% of my time outdoors is giving that gift to others.  This is my journey how a veterans' duck hunt saved my life.

Early Life 

Growing up in a small Northern Wisconsin town and with a family that was not into hunting did not mean I was not exposed to the outdoors in my youth.  I did fish and hunt only when opportunities were given to me by others to participate upon their invitation.  Everything I owned as far as gear was bought myself; there were no hand-me-downs.  I would say in retrospect that the beneficial aspects of an outdoor life were not lost on me at that time, but it had not won me over holistically.  I had not yet experienced life events that would truly show me its capabilities.     

War

I enlisted in the Marine Corps in 1999 to help put myself through college.  I was pretty naïve to the world when two years later I watched the planes hit the World Trade Center, but I knew my life was about to change forever.  

In the early stages of the Iraq/Afghanistan wars, I felt left out.  My infantry unit had yet to be called up for deployment.  However, the realities of war were already impacting me hard.  I remember sitting on the sidelines watching name after name of men I knew on the news being reported as Killed-in-Action.  It got to the point I could no longer even read the Marine Corps Times so I did not have to see another familiar face in the print.

Photo: Iraq, 2004

In 2004-2005, I finally deployed to Iraq and was there during the heaviest and bloodiest fighting of the over decade long war.  Without getting into details, it is war: Men died on both sides.  Imagery of things you saw do not easily fade from memory.  Some of the greatest men I have ever known never got to go home.  I remember them daily.  I felt the guilt of being able to live the rest of my life and they did not.

Trying to Return to Normalcy

I returned home obviously a changed man.  What I thought I needed to do was go to college, enter the workforce, and to maybe get married and possibly start a family.  I did all of those minus kids at that point in time, but what I was really doing was appeasing the thought of an American Dream of a white picket fenced yard and a dog.  I was stumbling through life, in a job I dreaded, a crumbling marriage, deep in a bottle and with zero purpose.  And it was about to get worse.

2011

In May of 2011, I was literally at Ground Zero in New York City when my father called.  I informed him I did not want to talk as seeing the remnants of the act that was responsible for my war was very overwhelming emotionally.  My dad immediately interjected “Your mom is on hospice.”  

I made arrangements to fly home to Wisconsin, pick up both of my dogs, and drive up to my hometown.  I dropped my dogs off at a family friend's farm to watch them and proceeded to go pick up my father.  He informed me that he was not at home, but rather at the small hospital in our town and not at the larger one in a nearby city where mom was being cared for.  The reason: he was being diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Just dumbstruck and in a fog of disbelief, I picked him up and started driving to see my mother.  The phone rang as we were driving and it was the family friend watching my dogs.  They had been hit by a truck and they did not make it.  Worst day of my life does not describe this day with justice. 

My mother and father both died that summer of cancer.  My already depressed state of PTSD and alcohol spun further down the spiral of self-destruction.  My employment was toxic.  My marriage all but over.  Everyone around me probably hated being around me, including myself.  

The Fulcrum Point

That October, a Marine I served with, reached out to me to inform me that there was a veterans’ duck hunting event and that he was well aware of my state of affairs and that I was going and he was not asking.

Horicon Marsh Veteran Duck Hunt

Photo: My first Horicon Marsh Veterans Duck Hunt, October 2011

I arrived at the boathouse compound on the Horicon Marsh as a broken man who enjoyed hunting from time to time.  I was greeted by Ryan Voy, a co-founder of the event, and asked if I had a spot for the morning, I joined him in his boat.  I do not think we even shot many birds that day, but we cracked jokes, enjoyed the marsh and the camaraderie.  I told him my story.  I found not only tranquility in the hunt, but in the genuine giving nature of the people that put this event on; I also found a father figure in Ryan that I desperately needed at that time.  I found community and it would later drive me to find my purpose.

I think there were eight veteran hunters that weekend.  I indicated to Ryan how really authentic this event is and how more vets really need to experience it and how big he would like it to be next year.  I fell into the position of “Veteran Liaison to the Board”.  Each year he gave me a number of what they could handle logistically and for the last 4 years we have been taking over 85 veterans on a weekend of fully guided duck hunts on the historic Horicon Marsh.

Growing Love Affair with Ducks

The following spring, I was so obsessed with my new found passion of waterfowl that I was spending time in marshes and lakes photographing the birds in their northern migration.  I wanted to know everything and learn anything about the birds.  I started posting these photos on social media and the response was in the vast majority positive to the point people were encouraging me to seek this out further.    

Photo: By author.

I quit my job.  Bought new equipment.  Went to “YouTube College” and taught myself everything possible I could about all my cameras, techniques, editing, etc.  I hit the road running and traveled all over the country.  And I had zero idea of where I headed but I knew I was going where I needed to be.

The journey somehow brought me through connections I had made through hunting to the television world for a hunting show for several seasons.  It built my followings on social media.  It gave me opportunities beyond my wildest dreams.  Blind luck, pun intended, but luck is the crossroads of opportunity and preparation.  

Nonprofit

I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in a terrestrial and mortal way.  I started having self-worth, confidence, and purpose.  Hunting to me and especially duck hunting was a way to enjoy the peace nature brings.  Shooting ducks or whatever game you pursue didn’t matter as much as companionship and shared experience with others enjoying the same.  Taking home the fruits of labor to the dinner table was a bonus to the experience.  

Photo: NY State Veterans’ Duck Hunt 2021

It dawns on me, at some point I cannot put my finger on, that this quite possibly saved me from myself and my own self-destruction and pity.  It gave me a reason.  I had been blessed by others who gave this to me or at least introduced it further into my life when I needed it the most.  I had found a tool to help me dealing with what I know many others post-combat are dealing with and continue to deal with.  I began working with nonprofits and putting events on for vets: wounded, disabled, and combat/or not. 

Shared experiences in the setting of the outdoors not only with the vets together but the people that donate their time and knowledge was what my journey had led me to know was what I needed to do for others.

Again, the people who still run that event at Horicon were the mold.  They gave me this opening of the mind.  They healed a lot of my wounds and gave me my calling.  

Full Circle

On July 22, 2018, Ryan Voy passed away in his sleep.  I lost my 2nd father.  But his legacy is mine too: in his wife and boys, this event, and all the events I put on or help coordinate.  I’ve come full circle, having had a veteran’s hunting event have that much impact on me to change my life enough to help change others.  

Photo: Myself and Ryan Voy

Life has changed now too.  Divorced.  Re-married with two stepdaughters and a lovely wife who supports this mission and sacrifices for it more than anyone can even know.  And a boy of my own to share this with for the rest of my days.

Backcountry Traditions, Horicon Marsh Veterans Duck Hunt

If you or someone you know needs help readjusting to civilian life, please check out Vet Center resources available to Veterans, service members and their families: https://www.vetcenter.va.gov/